potholes, sinkholes and the holes in my heart

this weekend pastor darrin focused on source idols, “the central values by which all other values are measured and judged and that which all other values serve.” all surface idols have comfort, approval, control and power at their root. i suddenly realized that comfort and control have grown like a fungus beneath the surface of my helping idolatry, independence idolatry, work idolatry and achievement idolatry.

someone once pointed out to me that you can tell the severity of a sickness by the severity of its cure. for example, the cancer treatment chemotherapy causes nausea, hair loss, etc. it ravages the body- that’s how hard it has to fight to eradicate the disease. the fact that jesus had to be tortured, followed by a slow painful death leads me to believe my sin problem is serious. darrin explained that the number one sin the bible addresses is idolatry; it’s the only alternative to faith in god.

idols keep us from loving god and from loving others. darrin also pointed out that change doesn’t come easy but it also doesn’t come alone. authentic biblical community (as opposed to mere affinity) provides protection as well as offers encouragement. he implored us to become a church where people know and are known, love and are loved, celebrate and are celebrated and serve and are served.

most people, when they hear stories of church members’ generosity, is “wow, i wish someone would give to me!” my thought is always, “i would be completely mortified if anyone ever served me in that way!” time and again i have asked god to dig out the idols in my life. he is and i have to admit, it hurts! for me to be unemployed and completely broke is to feel helpless, hopeless and ultimately worthless. “who am i if i am not productive?”

recently i have been speaking gospel truth into my best friend’s life. this has forced me to preach the gospel to myself: i am more sinful than i could ever realize. at the same time i a more loved and accepted by god than i could possible imagine because jesus christ lived and died in my place.

simultaneously, i have had a different friend speaking truth into mylife- she in constantly encouraging my faith while gently rebuking my lack of trust in the lord. the ultimate moment of gospel reality opened like a lightning bolt from heaven. i was facing the possibility of dependence on food stamps. i had exhausted all other resources, including my family and aforementioned best friend. already feeling humbled by their charity, my friend presented me with a gift- a bag of change she’d collected, about $50! i broke down and cried. she had been saving it until after our weekly walk in the park. after hearing me mention that i was shy of my rent check this month she proceeded to write out a check for the difference, $200! i went home and wept.

i threw myself at the lord’s feet and felt his loving arms around me. at that moment i experienced his love like i never have before. this mixture of repentance and relief brought to mind romans 6, in which the apostle paul refers to believers as dead to sin and alive to god. you see, despite my outward actions and even my verbal responses of devotion to christ, my attitude was, “give it to you? all of it? over my dead body; you’ll have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands.”

darrin has repeatedly spoken of how a part of us has to die a little. not a pleasant thought, especially when it’s slow and painful. deep down my fear has been that there will be little of me left once my idols have been dug up and excavated. however, romans 14:7-8 says, “for none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. if we live, we live to the lord, and if we die, we die to the lord. so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the lord’s.” there’s no need to worry- he fills in the holes!

~ by superflowerchild on September 22, 2008.