dear god: part III

why do i compartmentalize my life so much? i think sometimes i take ecclesiastes too literally when i plan separate times in which to laugh, mourn, dance and especially pray. while i understand the practicality of setting aside time during a busy day for prayer i think that too much “setting aside” becomes exactly that. i recently realized that typically my first instinct in a situation is to call a friend rather than to call on you, god- you shouldn’t be my last resort.

initially, i thought i had a solution: two little books on my bedside table. one is a book of daily meditations, a collection of messages written as if they were letters from jesus to me. i like to greet the day by hearing his voice so i read this when i wake up. before i go to bed i read a book of prayers specifically written for “emotional healing.” i leave all my worries at the cross so i can sleep peacefully.

another thing that was supposed to help is posting crosses in strategic places around my apartment. i have one above each door so that it’s the last thing i see as i leave. i constantly need the reminder that you go out with me. i also have one by my bed (it’s a crucifix bearing the images of the trinity). in my bathroom, on my refrigerator and hanging on each mirror are scripture passages. i cannot eat, drink, bathe or dress without being reminded that i’m made in your image, and as your creation i am to do all things to your glory.

despite all the memos, symbols, notes and reminders i can make for myself i can’t help but feel my independent spirit take over from time to time. i love the hymn “come thou fount of every blessing,” because of the lyric: “…prone to wander lord, i feel it. prone to leave the god i love…”

there come times when i have run out of things to say. if i were to continue to pray in words, i would have to repeat what has already been said. at such times it is wonderful to pray in the words of O. Hallesby, “May I be in Thy presence, Lord? I have nothing more to say to Thee, but I do love to be in Thy presence.”

~ by superflowerchild on August 1, 2008.